Spring - taking a leap of faith

So it has occurred to me that school and all the demands of it has stripped me a bit of my energy. It has taken the winter to feel like I am back to being myself. Part of that is finding out who I am after school, and what direction I want to take with everything now. What exactly does it mean to be an art therapist - for me? I had a delightful morning last week sitting in a coffee shop with a dear friend, talking about art, and love, and life. One of those conversations you hate leaving. But, walking away, I realized that I have not created much since I left school. I think I need to. I am at my happiest when I am creating and drawing and sewing. But, often, I feel I am not good enough. So - the big question is who is critiquing me? Myself. Always. So, in an attempt to walk away from criticism, I have decided to just start creating. I speak about the value of creativity, and yet, I fail to work it into my own life. Enough with that! Seriously! So - I am using this little image of the bird breaking free, ready to sing a new song, and I am on a mission. I will be using this blog to post my creativity. It could be what inspires me, what I am working on, other artists that inspire me, I don't know yet. That, my friend, is part of the journey.

So, I haven't actually looked at this blog for awhile. I needed to shut everything down to get through school - and by everything, I mean everything! Now, being at the very, very, very end of it, I will say it was worth it, but at the time, the sacrifices were very big. The only thing I think i did not sacrifice for the past two years was time with my kids. But, everything else got chopped. So, returning to this blog, I simply want to say to those close to me that are reading it, thank you. Thank you for still being beside me at the end of it all. I could not ask for a better gift in life than to have you as my friends.

Missing my wise friend

Funny to think of someone in the later stages of Alzheimer's wise, I suppose. But then, what do you think of when you think of a wise person? It's probably not someone who talks incessantly about themselves, or adds comments constantly, or interrupts you. To me, the image of a wise person is someone who listens well, someone who is quiet, pays attention, stops you only for necessary clarification, and inevitably leads you to the answer through your own thought process, not theirs. Hmm, see, I would say I just described Vera.When my children were little, she became my sounding board. For years before that, my own grandmother had been my sounding board, but around the time that I met Vera, my grandfather had recently died, and my grandmother had become a shadow of her former self, no longer someone I could burden with big decisions or problems. Vera was an easy replacement because she listened just as well as my grandmother and I felt instantly comfortable talking to her. But what happens when both people who would listen unjudgementally leave your life for good? Well, you are left with a void. There are days I feel it keenly, days I would do anything to have a few minutes with Vera or my grandma to talk an idea or a problem out. I wonder if it supposed to be a natural progression into adulthood not to have that older, wiser person to look to. But still, life gets much more complicated at this point, so I doubt that. So, I wait, holding my breath, till I find someone who will step into the role of wise old friend. Till then, I think I'll flounder a bit longer.

Oat Fudge bars and other fond memories

This past week my husband seemed to be a.w.a.l, busy curling all week in a competition. I don’t understand curling, or his love for it, but I do understand now how exhausting being a single parent would be and I only have 2 kids! Vera had 6! I can’t imagine how Vera would able to cope if her husband had to work late for even one evening! Always good to have Vera-perspective in my mind when I’m feeling burnt out!

By the end of the week my husband was back again, but my patience was shot. In an attempt to save myself from my kids, I called on my babysitter whom I love for how awesome she is with my kid. (and because I used to babysit her so that makes her even more special to me) She came and played all evening with my kids while my husband and I took a well needed break just the 2 of us. Really, all I wanted was a quiet coffee and time to catch up, so we went to Starbucks since its our local haunt, comfy and familiar. I asked my husband to pick a treat that we could share and he chose the Oat fudge bar. I sat staring at that bar for some time. Weird how something as simple as a dessert can suddenly bring back a whole ton of memories.

 Vera and I went out every Monday for a date to Starbucks and her favorite treat, hands down, was the fudge bar. It’s nice and sweet, and easy to eat – a must when your memory is failng – trust me. Every week I’d order the same – one tall bold, one tall awake tea and an oat fudge bar. Many times the barrista would simply charge for the drinks, smiling kindly at Vera and wishing her well every single week - such a simple act of kindness. All the staff got to know Vera and ask how she was doing, even when she wasn’t around. They would be concerned for her if they hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks. When she passed away they all expressed their sympathy.

Every week when Vera and I were there, there was another man and his son that came at the same time as well. It was interesting for both of us. This man, I found out later, is a writer, and his son, I would guess, has autism. He’s a  really cool kid – always reading like crazy and talking about everything on his mind to his dad. His dad took the time to answer every single question the kid had. Sitting with Vera it was interesting to watch his constant animated discussion with his son, and it honestly helped when my conversation with Vera became repetitive as she would ask the same questions over and over of me. Somehow, the man and his son would give me the energy I needed at times to have a lovely and enjoyable visit with Vera.

Hmm, and this is why I was a little quiet on our date that evening! Oh well, quiet can be good.

Joys of the Dentist

I am sitting at my computer, glad my trip to the dentist is done. I hate getting cavities filled. I can sit through a general cleaning, but beyond that I'm not a fan of the dental chair.

 It actually went surprisingly well today, and as I was thinking about this on the way home, I started thinking about all of the trips Vera and I made to her dentist. To be honest, I loved those days. Vera lived by the lake in Burlington, and the dentist is in Waterdown.  So, we had a lovely ride to and from the dentist that would take us about 20 minutes each way. There was a particular strip of road that every time we drove on it, Vera would recall memories of her father taking them for drives in the country. She would reminisce about these days, each time revealing just maybe a tiny bit more about her past to me.

 I will say that the dental visit was part of the road trip I'm sure both of us would like to gloss over - and it was one of the few times Vera's failing memory was a wonderful asset for her. What we did walk away talking about each time we went to the dentist was how important moments with your family are. It is surprising how they lurk in your deepest darkest memory for years to come. It would always remind me how important it is to spend time with my own kids, and try to be less busy, focusing instead on enjoying them as they grow. Fun thoughts I'm sure all stemming from a cavity!

a simple love story

I live on a little street that I have grown to love. We walk the next door neighbours dog. The family around the corner goes to the same church as us. There's a little culdasac off our small street where the annual Canada day party is thrown every year for the block. I can't imagine moving - even though at times our house seems way too tiny for our growning family.

One family routinely opens their house to neighbourhood gatherings, and a couple days ago my husband and I went there to have some very yummy Dutch donuts. (I'd spell it, but i think I'd have a ton of Dutch friends rolling their eyes at my atrocious spelling!!) While I was sitting enjoying the treat, I found myself talking to the oldest resident on our street. Since we've lived here, we've watched his wife pass away, and his general decline. It's very sad. It seems like he needs more help than he is getting, but after talking to him, I realized his decision to stay in his house is somewhat of a love story. He and his wife moved into this house many, many years ago. She loved it - it is higher up on a hill and overlooks the street a bit. He hated it - it has no garage, no fireplace, and not much of a backyard. But, he bought the house for his wife. Now that his wife is gone, he can't imagine moving from the house. It is way too much work for him, and he does need more care than what family and government assisted programs offer. But, to a man with a failing memory, his deepest, strongest memories of life are what he holds onto right now. Of course its sad watching from our perspective, but there's something sweet about the way he talks about it too.

From Ice Cream Parlours to Status updates!

So today I've planted myself in a coffee shop and forcing myself to read all about podcasting. Ahh, for a non-techy, this is a bit torturous! I have very little clue what I'm doing, but that's not going to stop me! In the new year check back in to see a new segment on Tea with Vera!! I hope to make Tea with Vera a bit of a destination place - you'll see!!

Well, I have to admit, I'm not getting through this book too fast, in fact, it's way more exciting people watching! In particular, I have the sweetest old friends a couple chairs away from me chatting away about life. Both are well into their senior years. The first part of their conversation was about the coffee shop reno. Now, anyone that knows me and my coffee shop knows that it was a horrible reno. Where is my old coffee shop with the comfy chairs, the quite corners and the warm colours? Instead, they've put in uncomfortable chairs, ridiculously tiny tables that are way too high for little kids, and these dinning room tables that I assume are for laptop users, but really, just make life a bit awkward. Well, the first lady sits down and says "oh, these remind me of ice cream parlour chairs!" I laughed picturing her as a little girl with a cherry cola and saddle shoes. Then after a bit more discussion her friend starts telling her all about her ear surgery. In the middle of the tale, she stops and says "oh, but maybe you read my facebook post!!" Seriously!! From ice cream parlours to Facebook posts in a life time, and they are totally keeping up. That is what completely impresses me about this generation of seniors. Alot of people over 65 are fully embracing all the constant new and evolving technology, and keeping up, and understanding the value of it for their own lives. I remember a decade ago sitting with my grandma and watching her be so lonely in her own home because she couldn't drive and was living on her own. I can't imagine how much better life would have been for her if she could have logged onto Facebook and checked in on her family and sent notes to everyone. Looking at floor plans for new seniors homes, so many designate a large space for a computer room, realizing they are in fact encouraging a social network to exist for many of the seniors that may feel isolated otherwise. I wonder if the creators of Facebook realized the amazing impact they would have on seniors!

Breakfast at the Bistro



This weekend, Delicate Transitions went to the local Seniors Centre to serve breakfast. It's interesting how work and life can be so interconnected at times. In order to serve, we needed to have 4 representatives from our company. Since we are a small company, we had to use our resources - family!! So, on Saturday, we all showed up - my family of four, and my parents. Kyla was a little apprehensive about being around lots of people since she's so shy by nature. So, armed with a label that said "Kyla" and a smile, I told her that was all she needed. She didn't need to talk if she didn't want to - just smile. The whole concept of Breakfast at the Bistro is to target seniors who can't get out in the community much. The centre offers transportation to any senior who needs it. So, I told Kyla every senior would be delighted just with a smile. It worked! Many times I watched as people were surprised to find a little girl bringing them their breakfast. Over and over, they would read her name tag, look up at her kindly and say "thank you Kyla." She'd smile, nod and duck away. By the end of the morning, everyone in the room knew her, and were smiling at her whenever she passed by. I think she might have said a couple words to the odd person, but that's it. To say I was bursting with pride as a mom is an understatement. To realize my daughter had demonstrated how simple it is to give was awesome.

Educating your kids about Alzheimer's

This blog was named after a dear friend of mine, Vera. We spent many years together, as I worked as her companion while she struggled with Alzheimer's. She was a wonderful woman, with a very kind soul. Often, I would bring my little kids to see her. One of my favorite memories of Vera was having breakfast with her and my kids. The seniors home she lived in would make sure the private dinning room was dress up specially for us when they knew we were having one of our family breakfasts. My daughters never knew life without Vera, so for them, she really was like an adopted grandmother. They would chat away with her and hold her hand while we walked down the hall together. What was incredible about the relationship that grew between them was that they grew up respecting Vera and loving her for who she was, no matter how the illness affected her. As a mom, I have to say, I was inspired by how loving and kind my kids were - they could teach many an adult a lesson in compassion.

As I was working away today I stumbled upon an excellent idea that the Halton Alzheimer's society has come up with - a half day program for kids on how to deal with family members suffering from the disease. What a great idea! The program is being offered on the next pd day - Nov.13th. I would highly recommend sending your kids if they are around someone with Alzheimer's. I know from experience there are many questions kids will have, and at times, answers can be a challenge. Check out their brochure:
http://www.alzhn.ca/documents/Education%20Events%20and%20Series/Hamilton%20Halton/kids%20learning%20about%20memory%20loss.pdf

Well, its finally done!! What do you think? Kyla loves it, so really that's all that counts. We also were able to snag a twin bed on kijiji for $20 that I painted purple to match alot of the purple throughout the quilt. I know - a bit crazy to have a purple bed, but can you actually see it in the picture? Nope! The quilt is so long, and the bed frame is so low, that committing to purple was an insanely easy decision since it would be hardly noticeable anyways. Kyla loves saying she has a purple bed, I love watching the expression on peoples faces when they try to hide the fact that they think I'm crazy!

I'm thrilled every day when I walk into her room and some of my favorite textile designers are represented in the quilt. If you haven't heard of Amy Butler, Kaffe Fassett or Anna Maria Horner, google them and get addicted to their work like I am!! I tend to be much more traditional in my colour palette then they are, so it was an amazing departure to sew this quilt! This quilt is reminding me how much i love to sew and play with patterns, and that I really do need to find time for kids, work and sewing. Hmmm, found any extra hours in the day hanging around lately??  I have another quilt brewing in my mind already - although really no place for it to go in my house. I picked up some fat quarters at a craft show I took Kyla to a couple weeks ago. All the patterns are very retro. I'm thinking of doing a log cabin pattern using these new swatches - although I don't have nearly enough in my stash yet. Ahh, guess that means I have to do a bit more fabric shopping!!

Balance

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, for hours on end, working away on my business. Why? I cannot work at home - well, not uninterrupted. For some reason, laundry, baking, cleaning, crafting, all these things seem to come to mind and my focus is interrupted. Not to mention, my daughter has called home a few times this year with something wrong. My husband's job keeps him at the office late enough these days that the lawn would be a wild forest of overgrown grass and weeds if I didn't give in and do something about it. So, how do you accomplish everything you want to as a stay-at-home entrepreneurial mom?? I haven't figured that out. I don't think I ever will - and I believe I have given up trying to find the balance. Life throws so many unexpected challenges, I think the only thing you can do is have a goal and aim for it. I found out yesterday my friend's dad was killed in a car crash. How do you move beyond that? Suddenly you come down to earth again and look around and realize that laundry is actually important, because its good to send your kids to school in clean clothes. Being there for your kid when math is their Waterloo, well, you have to find the time to sit and do it. If you sign your kid up for piano lessons, you do have to help them. Your mom wants a cup of coffee with you, be insanely happy your mom is there. I guess the point is that it takes a lifetime to find a balance, because its just that, balancing. It's a constant challenge.
(to my dear friend, my prayers are with you - lots and lots of them.)

Raising Kyla

This is a picture I am very proud of - my daughter at this year's annual Me To We event in Toronto. If you haven't heard of Me To We, take a minute and google it. If you have kids, this is an excellent way to encourage them to grow into an awesome individuals.
I have to say, I was a little nervous about taking Kyla to this event. My sister's company was a sponsor for the event, which is how we were able to get to the event. The problem is, Kyla is a shy, quiet kid, and this is way over the top! There were tons of speakers, musicians, you name it, Me to We had it. It was one thing after the other, lots of time to jump out of your seat and dance and get excited about forming a global community with other like minded kids. In total - this was way over kyla's head and I knew it. The messages were directed at teens, and for the most part, Kyla sat there not understanding the language. But this is nothing new to Kyla. After being immersed in french immersion for a couple years now, she has learned to sit and watch and wait till she understands. She was swept away with the music in parts, was excited to get the t-shirt, and thrilled she could spend a day in Toronto with her aunt. That is what she understood at first. But, little by little, thanks to a very well developed program that Free the Children and Me to We lays out, we have been able to talk about all she heard that day at the ACC. We are taking small steps in our own home to challenge Kyla to make a difference globally. To be honest, I love the role I get as mom for Kyla. I love cuddling with her and talking about making a difference. I love pushing her to do things she never thought possible and the the smiles and hugs i get afterwards when she accomplishes the goal. I have no doubt this kid will accomplish great things when she is bigger, and I will be the one in the front row cheering her on.
(along with her aunt too! thanks for the tickets Laural!)

Kyla's quilt - sneak peak!

So, I may have taken the summer off from blogging - even though i really just started it I guess - but that was because I was sewing into the middle of the night many evenings. Kyla's quilt got started and stopped continually throughout the summer. I was working away on another crazy quilting project, plus I decided to repaint my floors and remake a slipcover. I also discovered Joanne's fabric in the States and bought enough fabric there to line up about 5 more projects. Why did I not know about this place before?!! Well, I kinda did. I've read many a blog that talked about a trip to Joanne's, but I had no idea!! We stopped in on the way home from vacation in the summer - when I had ten measly American dollars left in my pocket. Do you understand how tortured I was trying to just spend $10?? I did end up going back near the end of the summer - this time with just a bit more money in my pocket, so I have a little bit of a nice stash in my basement ready for evenings of coffee and sewing.

Well, after bits and spurts, I finally tackled sewing up Kyla's quilt in time for the winter. If you can tell from the picture, the front is assembled and sewn onto the back. I did a really simple "stitch in the ditch" technique to frame out all the amazing fabrics Kyla chose, but to me, it seems a little flat - not soft and quilty enough. I went to the quilt store and bought a free motion quilting sewing attachment for my machine, and tonight I am going to practice with it. Basically, you drop the feed dogs on your machine that would normally guide your fabric through, and instead you do the work. So, that means you can draw with the sewing machine. Mind you, this is all theory right now. I've seen it on a million blogs, but tonight i give it a go! I've seen quilts finished with flower designs quilted all over and I think this is a perfect solution to the squares. Once I get the hang of it and actually try it on my machine, I'll take a close up for you to inspect!

Now, just to be clear - quilting is a lot of work and very time consuming. But in a good way! I get lost in it some evenings, and watching all the fabrics get sewn up is very satisfying from an artistic standpoint. But, the true test is not so much how pretty or accurate the quilt is, but how much the person receiving it loves it and cuddles under it. Mine has already had a good test run! Kyla came down with an earache on Sunday afternoon and was generally miserable for the rest of the evening. We pulled out Little House on the Prairie DVDs and stayed up really late watching them together while I sewed the quilt and she nursed a very sore ear. While I was sewing, Kyla started moving closer and closer and eventually was all cuddled up under the somewhat done quilt, and fell fast asleep. I knew the project was a success at that moment.

summer is done - we made it!

I always seem to forget how challenging summer will be. I set out with great intentions - and although I did meet my expectations for the kids, I think I got lost in the mix. There was no end to running them here, there, and everywhere in the hopes that I am raising happy, well-adjusted kids. Friendships that aren't easily maintained throughout the school year are nurtured during the summer. Living in suburbia also seems to indicate you should put your kids in summer camps and such. I do see the benefit, but somehow, it still takes so much energy by the end of the summer. I forget to sit. I forget to eat. I realize at 11pm that I'm grumpy and tired and hungry. But, all the frustration aside, today I miss my kids! My eldest got on the bus, overjoyed to be going to school and seeing all her friends, and my other daughter got her much anticipated birthday present from my sister - a date at a restuarant with her alone! (since my sis is off work to get her son settled in school as well today).

Suddenly, all the tasks I've put on hold for my kids are staring me down, and it is all feeling very daunting I must say!!The reality of starting my own business seems to weight down on me as I sit staring at the computer screen. There's alot of self-doubt that creeps in when you're all by yourself!

But, having said all that - Guess what?!! It's time to pic up my daughter from the bus!! My first day back has ended! I made it through! I'm very happy at my success - as small as it is really. Tomorrow I'll make goals, schedules and send a thousand more emails, right now, I'm mom again.

Betty Jane Jones

I'd like to introduce you to my grandma.
I came across this picture of her as I was sorting and organizing my office/sewing room (a long overdue job that is taking forever).
I originally found this picture of her right after she passed away a few years ago and I had the job of creating a memory board for the funeral. I stopped in my tracks as I stared down at this picture, knowing it was just perfect. I have no idea who took this picture in my family, or how it ended up back in her possession instead of in someone else's box of pictures. But, that aside, this picture is, simply put, the best picture there is of my grandma. If I close my eyes, this is how I would picture her - working away in her ridiculously cramped kitchen, always sporting an apron and getting buns out for some meal. I love that the cupboard is open and I can stare into her cupboard full of boxed food since she was a woman of the 50's. Notice my grandma has 2 tea kettles - one to boil, one to steep - I learned that from her. She made horrid coffee, but she had a great knack for tea. The curtains were made by her when she came to the house as a bride, and 50 years later, in her eyes, they were still perfect. The lovely old stove hardly worked anymore, but she had the knack for knowing how to fuss with it to make it putter along. On top of her fridge is a large tin plate that held the most unusual and useful items ever! As a kid I remember thinking that everything you needed in life could be found in that try - or so it seemed at grandma's. I hadn't put it together till right now but that same tray rests on my fridge now, holding cereal and stuff for my family. The caper on this picture that makes it just about perfect in my eyes is that it is taken from the front hall that lead straight through to the kitchen in her house. When I stare at this picture long enough, I feel like I could be right there, in her front hall, walking in to give her a hug hello. I would give pretty much anything right about now to do that. My grandma was my best friend and I will always, always miss her.

Sewing, old school style

Well, I'm back from our family vacation. We did our second annual trek to the Poconos. The girls love the place we stay at because of the 2 pools and the fact that it backs onto a small stables where they can visit all the animals on a daily basis. I love the fact that a little trip up the road brings you to a Barnes and Nobles/Starbucks. Every day we went for good coffee and tons of books. I stumbled along a very cool book that I felt I could not live without. It is a guide to sewing machine attachments. Now, this may seem a bit boring to some, but to me - I feel like I have found the holy grail of sewing!! Years ago I purchased an old peddle sewing machine that came with a bunch of old sewing attachments that looked odd and unusual. I have been dying to use this machine to find out first of all how hard it is to use a peddle, and secondly to give an older feel to sewing pieces I work on. Armed with this new book I acquired on vacation, I feel I am finally ready to take the plunge and sew with it.

Not only that, this book shows many attachments still available on the market today. There are some I just have to try asap!!I believe I will be ordering a few specialty attachments from some of the stores listed in this book. Really and truly, I believe that the tiny boxes that these attachments will be coming in will be much more exciting to me than a little box of jewelry. My anniversary is coming up soon, hmmm! (steviewonder - hint, hint!!)

Some day soon when my sewing desk isn't embarrassingly messy I'll snap a few shots of this old sewing machine I'm talking about and the sewing machine my grandma gave me when I lived with her. Both have sat dormant way too long (my grandma's in particular since I lost the key to open it - later to be found in a box of barbie bits and bobs!) and need to be oiled and taken for a test drive soon!! More to come!!

socks

My job with Vera started out as simply to take her out for walks. Nothing more, nothing less. I thought I'd stumbled across the dream job - good money, easy task. What I soon learned with my job is that nothing was easy. There is absolutely nothing straightforward when it comes to Alzheimer's. Everything you take for granted in a day is a challenge to someone dealing with Alzheimer's. For me, I was to learn this lesson with socks.

Vera would shuffle around her seniors residence in slippers most of the day. The backs of the slippers were bent and pushed down from her constantly slipping in and out of them as she pleased. When it came to taking her out for a walk, we had to ditch the comfy slippers and put on practical walking shoes. Although this seems easy in theory, it was to be my longest hour EVER!!!

Not knowing I was walking into problems, I asked Vera to sit in her chair while I changed her slippers to shoes. She calmly allowed me to remove the slippers. After I had done so, she asked that I re-adjust her socks. No problem. I fiddled with the toes and carried on. I quickly took the shoe and fit it on her foot and went to carry on to the next foot. Not so fast. Vera explained that something wasn't feeling right. Hmmmm. I looked at the shoe, seemed okay, but maybe I hadn't pulled the sock up, so I removed the shoe, checked there was nothing in the shoe, readjusted the sock and put the shoe back on. Nope. She still seemed dissatisfied with it. Something was wrong, and she couldn't put her finger on it. I tried again. I removed the shoe. She asked that I pull the sock a bit near her baby toe. On went the shoe again, again the complaint was lobbied. Over and over till i could have pounded my head with the shoe. I was watching the clock and realizing by the time the shoe fit, my time to visit would be over. I gave up. I put the slippers back on and we walked the halls instead, with me frustrated over the turn of events.

I must admit, it didn't end that day. I went home, angry and frustrated, and realizing that this job was more than i bargained for. I went back a few more times, and with each attempt to get the shoes on, I was met with the challenge of the socks not fitting. Slowly it dawned on me what the problem was. It wasn't the shoes or the socks really, it was me. It was my job to reassure Vera, and to keep her going in her life. I was stuck. I couldn't get past the socks. With renewed vigor, I went back the next day and was convinced I could get the shoes and socks to work, and we could actually get outside! This time, I listened to her concerns, I worked with her, but I also stepped into the role of caregiver for the first time. I changed the topic, talked about where we were walking, maybe getting a tea, and suddenly, socks were no longer on her radar. She had refocused her attention on the next part of our journey.I'd cut my time down from 1 hour putting on shoes and socks to 5 minutes!! Finally I was being helpful and being the person Vera needed me to be.

How this blog was born

Remember when you were little and would dream about what you wanted to be when you grew up? Well, I always dreamt I would be a famous author. Now, this is only because I read Anne of Green Gables and Emily of New Moon about 100 times each and romanticized about sitting in the attic, writing beautiful stories, while peering wistfully into the dusk. Reality hit in high school when I realized I was not that talented in the writing department! Still, every time I have one of those Emily moments and read the book over again, I get lost in the dream of it all over again!

I remember sitting in the car last year, driving on vacation, just a couple weeks after Vera had passed away, and letting my mind ramble over all the memories I had of Vera. We spent all this time together, and what do you do when the person you built your life around is gone? I was staring out the window, looking at the hills we were driving by, thinking I should sit down and string all the memories together somehow. But, the more I thought of my time with Vera, I realized my memories of her were all jumbled around, and would resurface at the oddest times, being triggered by many different things. I tried to organize her life and what it had meant to me in a straightforward format, but couldn't. What I realized was that from this point onwards in my life, many moments would be connected to Vera, and pop up unexpectedly. She had entwined her life in mine so quietly and subtly, I wasn't sure where it all stopped and started.

So, therefore, I have created this blog. As life unravels, and I am reminded of my dear friend over and over in many ways, I will continue to pay tribute to her through this blog. So, I may never be Emily, scribbling notes up in the garet, but I am hoping that I can create something beautiful, and that is all that matters to me.

In memory of Vera

You know how some dates stick in your head? June 17th sticks in my head forever. That is the day I lost my dear friend Vera. One year ago today, she beat Alzheimer's and finally found peace in death. Vera's last few months had been a hard struggle, and was difficult for everyone in the family to watch as the disease increased at a rapid rate and took so much from her so quickly. But, this post is not about sadness really. It is about family. It was on the 17th of June last year I watched as all of Vera's family came together to honor her and say goodbye in there own way. Each girl (she has 5) was true to their own character and dealt with it in their own way. Grandchildren and great grandchildren came to her side to say goodbye. In sadness there was so much love, it took my breath away.

This post though is about one daughter in particular. We were the two in the room at the time when Vera passed - that ties you together unexpectedly. To understand how she said goodbye, you need a bit of background on their family. Vera's family spent their summers living at the family cottage. They divided up the summer and each family within the larger whole had time to themselves at the cottage, but there were many times when everyone spent time together. As Vera's needs grew, Vera's family ensured that she could still be at the cottage, spending lots of time caring for their ailing mother. From stories I heard, I believe a great deal of time was spent sitting and relaxing and reading, or quietly pondering life.

As Vera lay in her bed that last day, her daughter sat beside her for hours, holding her hand, calming her, just being there. When I walked in, she was so quiet beside her mother, I was concerned that she was overwhelmed with the situation. I came over to ask her if she was okay. I was very surprised with her response. She explained that from the windows in Vera's room, she could look out to the lake and find peace. She had crosswords and books around her, and it was reminding her of her time at the cottage, quietly sitting with her mom for hours. It seemed natural to be there for her. I was incredibly moved and gave her the space she needed to comfort and care for her mom in such a simple and natural way. What a wonderful gift she gave her mom that day.

A quilt for Kyla

Finally, I have started to sew this quilt for my daughter! It has been on the back burner for a long time - about a year now. Funny how life goes. I love sewing, but sometimes in the business of life find it hard to make time for. My favorite way to spend a Sunday evening is hauling my sewing machine to the living room and watching TV and sewing late into the night - with a cup of coffee keeping me going.

When I got to know Vera, one of the stories she'd tell me over and over again was about her grandmother who taught her how to sew. Her grandmother was a wonderful sewer, and passed along her passion to Vera. Over and over again I would hear the stories about how her grandmother taught her how to sew from a very young age. I plan to do the same with Kyla. I am extremely proud of her for picking all the fabric patterns that are in this quilt. Little does she know that this year will be the year she gets her very first sewing machine and our first lessons will be very basic quilt making. If you follow along this summer I'll post our adventures in sewing! I have to say my sewing has been learning on the run, so I'm kind of excited to go back to basics with her and teach her the fun of sewing and quilting. She already has a keen sense of colour, so who knows where this will take us!