Missing my wise friend

Funny to think of someone in the later stages of Alzheimer's wise, I suppose. But then, what do you think of when you think of a wise person? It's probably not someone who talks incessantly about themselves, or adds comments constantly, or interrupts you. To me, the image of a wise person is someone who listens well, someone who is quiet, pays attention, stops you only for necessary clarification, and inevitably leads you to the answer through your own thought process, not theirs. Hmm, see, I would say I just described Vera.When my children were little, she became my sounding board. For years before that, my own grandmother had been my sounding board, but around the time that I met Vera, my grandfather had recently died, and my grandmother had become a shadow of her former self, no longer someone I could burden with big decisions or problems. Vera was an easy replacement because she listened just as well as my grandmother and I felt instantly comfortable talking to her. But what happens when both people who would listen unjudgementally leave your life for good? Well, you are left with a void. There are days I feel it keenly, days I would do anything to have a few minutes with Vera or my grandma to talk an idea or a problem out. I wonder if it supposed to be a natural progression into adulthood not to have that older, wiser person to look to. But still, life gets much more complicated at this point, so I doubt that. So, I wait, holding my breath, till I find someone who will step into the role of wise old friend. Till then, I think I'll flounder a bit longer.

Oat Fudge bars and other fond memories

This past week my husband seemed to be a.w.a.l, busy curling all week in a competition. I don’t understand curling, or his love for it, but I do understand now how exhausting being a single parent would be and I only have 2 kids! Vera had 6! I can’t imagine how Vera would able to cope if her husband had to work late for even one evening! Always good to have Vera-perspective in my mind when I’m feeling burnt out!

By the end of the week my husband was back again, but my patience was shot. In an attempt to save myself from my kids, I called on my babysitter whom I love for how awesome she is with my kid. (and because I used to babysit her so that makes her even more special to me) She came and played all evening with my kids while my husband and I took a well needed break just the 2 of us. Really, all I wanted was a quiet coffee and time to catch up, so we went to Starbucks since its our local haunt, comfy and familiar. I asked my husband to pick a treat that we could share and he chose the Oat fudge bar. I sat staring at that bar for some time. Weird how something as simple as a dessert can suddenly bring back a whole ton of memories.

 Vera and I went out every Monday for a date to Starbucks and her favorite treat, hands down, was the fudge bar. It’s nice and sweet, and easy to eat – a must when your memory is failng – trust me. Every week I’d order the same – one tall bold, one tall awake tea and an oat fudge bar. Many times the barrista would simply charge for the drinks, smiling kindly at Vera and wishing her well every single week - such a simple act of kindness. All the staff got to know Vera and ask how she was doing, even when she wasn’t around. They would be concerned for her if they hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks. When she passed away they all expressed their sympathy.

Every week when Vera and I were there, there was another man and his son that came at the same time as well. It was interesting for both of us. This man, I found out later, is a writer, and his son, I would guess, has autism. He’s a  really cool kid – always reading like crazy and talking about everything on his mind to his dad. His dad took the time to answer every single question the kid had. Sitting with Vera it was interesting to watch his constant animated discussion with his son, and it honestly helped when my conversation with Vera became repetitive as she would ask the same questions over and over of me. Somehow, the man and his son would give me the energy I needed at times to have a lovely and enjoyable visit with Vera.

Hmm, and this is why I was a little quiet on our date that evening! Oh well, quiet can be good.