From Ice Cream Parlours to Status updates!

So today I've planted myself in a coffee shop and forcing myself to read all about podcasting. Ahh, for a non-techy, this is a bit torturous! I have very little clue what I'm doing, but that's not going to stop me! In the new year check back in to see a new segment on Tea with Vera!! I hope to make Tea with Vera a bit of a destination place - you'll see!!

Well, I have to admit, I'm not getting through this book too fast, in fact, it's way more exciting people watching! In particular, I have the sweetest old friends a couple chairs away from me chatting away about life. Both are well into their senior years. The first part of their conversation was about the coffee shop reno. Now, anyone that knows me and my coffee shop knows that it was a horrible reno. Where is my old coffee shop with the comfy chairs, the quite corners and the warm colours? Instead, they've put in uncomfortable chairs, ridiculously tiny tables that are way too high for little kids, and these dinning room tables that I assume are for laptop users, but really, just make life a bit awkward. Well, the first lady sits down and says "oh, these remind me of ice cream parlour chairs!" I laughed picturing her as a little girl with a cherry cola and saddle shoes. Then after a bit more discussion her friend starts telling her all about her ear surgery. In the middle of the tale, she stops and says "oh, but maybe you read my facebook post!!" Seriously!! From ice cream parlours to Facebook posts in a life time, and they are totally keeping up. That is what completely impresses me about this generation of seniors. Alot of people over 65 are fully embracing all the constant new and evolving technology, and keeping up, and understanding the value of it for their own lives. I remember a decade ago sitting with my grandma and watching her be so lonely in her own home because she couldn't drive and was living on her own. I can't imagine how much better life would have been for her if she could have logged onto Facebook and checked in on her family and sent notes to everyone. Looking at floor plans for new seniors homes, so many designate a large space for a computer room, realizing they are in fact encouraging a social network to exist for many of the seniors that may feel isolated otherwise. I wonder if the creators of Facebook realized the amazing impact they would have on seniors!

Breakfast at the Bistro



This weekend, Delicate Transitions went to the local Seniors Centre to serve breakfast. It's interesting how work and life can be so interconnected at times. In order to serve, we needed to have 4 representatives from our company. Since we are a small company, we had to use our resources - family!! So, on Saturday, we all showed up - my family of four, and my parents. Kyla was a little apprehensive about being around lots of people since she's so shy by nature. So, armed with a label that said "Kyla" and a smile, I told her that was all she needed. She didn't need to talk if she didn't want to - just smile. The whole concept of Breakfast at the Bistro is to target seniors who can't get out in the community much. The centre offers transportation to any senior who needs it. So, I told Kyla every senior would be delighted just with a smile. It worked! Many times I watched as people were surprised to find a little girl bringing them their breakfast. Over and over, they would read her name tag, look up at her kindly and say "thank you Kyla." She'd smile, nod and duck away. By the end of the morning, everyone in the room knew her, and were smiling at her whenever she passed by. I think she might have said a couple words to the odd person, but that's it. To say I was bursting with pride as a mom is an understatement. To realize my daughter had demonstrated how simple it is to give was awesome.

Educating your kids about Alzheimer's

This blog was named after a dear friend of mine, Vera. We spent many years together, as I worked as her companion while she struggled with Alzheimer's. She was a wonderful woman, with a very kind soul. Often, I would bring my little kids to see her. One of my favorite memories of Vera was having breakfast with her and my kids. The seniors home she lived in would make sure the private dinning room was dress up specially for us when they knew we were having one of our family breakfasts. My daughters never knew life without Vera, so for them, she really was like an adopted grandmother. They would chat away with her and hold her hand while we walked down the hall together. What was incredible about the relationship that grew between them was that they grew up respecting Vera and loving her for who she was, no matter how the illness affected her. As a mom, I have to say, I was inspired by how loving and kind my kids were - they could teach many an adult a lesson in compassion.

As I was working away today I stumbled upon an excellent idea that the Halton Alzheimer's society has come up with - a half day program for kids on how to deal with family members suffering from the disease. What a great idea! The program is being offered on the next pd day - Nov.13th. I would highly recommend sending your kids if they are around someone with Alzheimer's. I know from experience there are many questions kids will have, and at times, answers can be a challenge. Check out their brochure:
http://www.alzhn.ca/documents/Education%20Events%20and%20Series/Hamilton%20Halton/kids%20learning%20about%20memory%20loss.pdf

Well, its finally done!! What do you think? Kyla loves it, so really that's all that counts. We also were able to snag a twin bed on kijiji for $20 that I painted purple to match alot of the purple throughout the quilt. I know - a bit crazy to have a purple bed, but can you actually see it in the picture? Nope! The quilt is so long, and the bed frame is so low, that committing to purple was an insanely easy decision since it would be hardly noticeable anyways. Kyla loves saying she has a purple bed, I love watching the expression on peoples faces when they try to hide the fact that they think I'm crazy!

I'm thrilled every day when I walk into her room and some of my favorite textile designers are represented in the quilt. If you haven't heard of Amy Butler, Kaffe Fassett or Anna Maria Horner, google them and get addicted to their work like I am!! I tend to be much more traditional in my colour palette then they are, so it was an amazing departure to sew this quilt! This quilt is reminding me how much i love to sew and play with patterns, and that I really do need to find time for kids, work and sewing. Hmmm, found any extra hours in the day hanging around lately??  I have another quilt brewing in my mind already - although really no place for it to go in my house. I picked up some fat quarters at a craft show I took Kyla to a couple weeks ago. All the patterns are very retro. I'm thinking of doing a log cabin pattern using these new swatches - although I don't have nearly enough in my stash yet. Ahh, guess that means I have to do a bit more fabric shopping!!

Balance

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, for hours on end, working away on my business. Why? I cannot work at home - well, not uninterrupted. For some reason, laundry, baking, cleaning, crafting, all these things seem to come to mind and my focus is interrupted. Not to mention, my daughter has called home a few times this year with something wrong. My husband's job keeps him at the office late enough these days that the lawn would be a wild forest of overgrown grass and weeds if I didn't give in and do something about it. So, how do you accomplish everything you want to as a stay-at-home entrepreneurial mom?? I haven't figured that out. I don't think I ever will - and I believe I have given up trying to find the balance. Life throws so many unexpected challenges, I think the only thing you can do is have a goal and aim for it. I found out yesterday my friend's dad was killed in a car crash. How do you move beyond that? Suddenly you come down to earth again and look around and realize that laundry is actually important, because its good to send your kids to school in clean clothes. Being there for your kid when math is their Waterloo, well, you have to find the time to sit and do it. If you sign your kid up for piano lessons, you do have to help them. Your mom wants a cup of coffee with you, be insanely happy your mom is there. I guess the point is that it takes a lifetime to find a balance, because its just that, balancing. It's a constant challenge.
(to my dear friend, my prayers are with you - lots and lots of them.)

Raising Kyla

This is a picture I am very proud of - my daughter at this year's annual Me To We event in Toronto. If you haven't heard of Me To We, take a minute and google it. If you have kids, this is an excellent way to encourage them to grow into an awesome individuals.
I have to say, I was a little nervous about taking Kyla to this event. My sister's company was a sponsor for the event, which is how we were able to get to the event. The problem is, Kyla is a shy, quiet kid, and this is way over the top! There were tons of speakers, musicians, you name it, Me to We had it. It was one thing after the other, lots of time to jump out of your seat and dance and get excited about forming a global community with other like minded kids. In total - this was way over kyla's head and I knew it. The messages were directed at teens, and for the most part, Kyla sat there not understanding the language. But this is nothing new to Kyla. After being immersed in french immersion for a couple years now, she has learned to sit and watch and wait till she understands. She was swept away with the music in parts, was excited to get the t-shirt, and thrilled she could spend a day in Toronto with her aunt. That is what she understood at first. But, little by little, thanks to a very well developed program that Free the Children and Me to We lays out, we have been able to talk about all she heard that day at the ACC. We are taking small steps in our own home to challenge Kyla to make a difference globally. To be honest, I love the role I get as mom for Kyla. I love cuddling with her and talking about making a difference. I love pushing her to do things she never thought possible and the the smiles and hugs i get afterwards when she accomplishes the goal. I have no doubt this kid will accomplish great things when she is bigger, and I will be the one in the front row cheering her on.
(along with her aunt too! thanks for the tickets Laural!)

Kyla's quilt - sneak peak!

So, I may have taken the summer off from blogging - even though i really just started it I guess - but that was because I was sewing into the middle of the night many evenings. Kyla's quilt got started and stopped continually throughout the summer. I was working away on another crazy quilting project, plus I decided to repaint my floors and remake a slipcover. I also discovered Joanne's fabric in the States and bought enough fabric there to line up about 5 more projects. Why did I not know about this place before?!! Well, I kinda did. I've read many a blog that talked about a trip to Joanne's, but I had no idea!! We stopped in on the way home from vacation in the summer - when I had ten measly American dollars left in my pocket. Do you understand how tortured I was trying to just spend $10?? I did end up going back near the end of the summer - this time with just a bit more money in my pocket, so I have a little bit of a nice stash in my basement ready for evenings of coffee and sewing.

Well, after bits and spurts, I finally tackled sewing up Kyla's quilt in time for the winter. If you can tell from the picture, the front is assembled and sewn onto the back. I did a really simple "stitch in the ditch" technique to frame out all the amazing fabrics Kyla chose, but to me, it seems a little flat - not soft and quilty enough. I went to the quilt store and bought a free motion quilting sewing attachment for my machine, and tonight I am going to practice with it. Basically, you drop the feed dogs on your machine that would normally guide your fabric through, and instead you do the work. So, that means you can draw with the sewing machine. Mind you, this is all theory right now. I've seen it on a million blogs, but tonight i give it a go! I've seen quilts finished with flower designs quilted all over and I think this is a perfect solution to the squares. Once I get the hang of it and actually try it on my machine, I'll take a close up for you to inspect!

Now, just to be clear - quilting is a lot of work and very time consuming. But in a good way! I get lost in it some evenings, and watching all the fabrics get sewn up is very satisfying from an artistic standpoint. But, the true test is not so much how pretty or accurate the quilt is, but how much the person receiving it loves it and cuddles under it. Mine has already had a good test run! Kyla came down with an earache on Sunday afternoon and was generally miserable for the rest of the evening. We pulled out Little House on the Prairie DVDs and stayed up really late watching them together while I sewed the quilt and she nursed a very sore ear. While I was sewing, Kyla started moving closer and closer and eventually was all cuddled up under the somewhat done quilt, and fell fast asleep. I knew the project was a success at that moment.

summer is done - we made it!

I always seem to forget how challenging summer will be. I set out with great intentions - and although I did meet my expectations for the kids, I think I got lost in the mix. There was no end to running them here, there, and everywhere in the hopes that I am raising happy, well-adjusted kids. Friendships that aren't easily maintained throughout the school year are nurtured during the summer. Living in suburbia also seems to indicate you should put your kids in summer camps and such. I do see the benefit, but somehow, it still takes so much energy by the end of the summer. I forget to sit. I forget to eat. I realize at 11pm that I'm grumpy and tired and hungry. But, all the frustration aside, today I miss my kids! My eldest got on the bus, overjoyed to be going to school and seeing all her friends, and my other daughter got her much anticipated birthday present from my sister - a date at a restuarant with her alone! (since my sis is off work to get her son settled in school as well today).

Suddenly, all the tasks I've put on hold for my kids are staring me down, and it is all feeling very daunting I must say!!The reality of starting my own business seems to weight down on me as I sit staring at the computer screen. There's alot of self-doubt that creeps in when you're all by yourself!

But, having said all that - Guess what?!! It's time to pic up my daughter from the bus!! My first day back has ended! I made it through! I'm very happy at my success - as small as it is really. Tomorrow I'll make goals, schedules and send a thousand more emails, right now, I'm mom again.

Betty Jane Jones

I'd like to introduce you to my grandma.
I came across this picture of her as I was sorting and organizing my office/sewing room (a long overdue job that is taking forever).
I originally found this picture of her right after she passed away a few years ago and I had the job of creating a memory board for the funeral. I stopped in my tracks as I stared down at this picture, knowing it was just perfect. I have no idea who took this picture in my family, or how it ended up back in her possession instead of in someone else's box of pictures. But, that aside, this picture is, simply put, the best picture there is of my grandma. If I close my eyes, this is how I would picture her - working away in her ridiculously cramped kitchen, always sporting an apron and getting buns out for some meal. I love that the cupboard is open and I can stare into her cupboard full of boxed food since she was a woman of the 50's. Notice my grandma has 2 tea kettles - one to boil, one to steep - I learned that from her. She made horrid coffee, but she had a great knack for tea. The curtains were made by her when she came to the house as a bride, and 50 years later, in her eyes, they were still perfect. The lovely old stove hardly worked anymore, but she had the knack for knowing how to fuss with it to make it putter along. On top of her fridge is a large tin plate that held the most unusual and useful items ever! As a kid I remember thinking that everything you needed in life could be found in that try - or so it seemed at grandma's. I hadn't put it together till right now but that same tray rests on my fridge now, holding cereal and stuff for my family. The caper on this picture that makes it just about perfect in my eyes is that it is taken from the front hall that lead straight through to the kitchen in her house. When I stare at this picture long enough, I feel like I could be right there, in her front hall, walking in to give her a hug hello. I would give pretty much anything right about now to do that. My grandma was my best friend and I will always, always miss her.

Sewing, old school style

Well, I'm back from our family vacation. We did our second annual trek to the Poconos. The girls love the place we stay at because of the 2 pools and the fact that it backs onto a small stables where they can visit all the animals on a daily basis. I love the fact that a little trip up the road brings you to a Barnes and Nobles/Starbucks. Every day we went for good coffee and tons of books. I stumbled along a very cool book that I felt I could not live without. It is a guide to sewing machine attachments. Now, this may seem a bit boring to some, but to me - I feel like I have found the holy grail of sewing!! Years ago I purchased an old peddle sewing machine that came with a bunch of old sewing attachments that looked odd and unusual. I have been dying to use this machine to find out first of all how hard it is to use a peddle, and secondly to give an older feel to sewing pieces I work on. Armed with this new book I acquired on vacation, I feel I am finally ready to take the plunge and sew with it.

Not only that, this book shows many attachments still available on the market today. There are some I just have to try asap!!I believe I will be ordering a few specialty attachments from some of the stores listed in this book. Really and truly, I believe that the tiny boxes that these attachments will be coming in will be much more exciting to me than a little box of jewelry. My anniversary is coming up soon, hmmm! (steviewonder - hint, hint!!)

Some day soon when my sewing desk isn't embarrassingly messy I'll snap a few shots of this old sewing machine I'm talking about and the sewing machine my grandma gave me when I lived with her. Both have sat dormant way too long (my grandma's in particular since I lost the key to open it - later to be found in a box of barbie bits and bobs!) and need to be oiled and taken for a test drive soon!! More to come!!

socks

My job with Vera started out as simply to take her out for walks. Nothing more, nothing less. I thought I'd stumbled across the dream job - good money, easy task. What I soon learned with my job is that nothing was easy. There is absolutely nothing straightforward when it comes to Alzheimer's. Everything you take for granted in a day is a challenge to someone dealing with Alzheimer's. For me, I was to learn this lesson with socks.

Vera would shuffle around her seniors residence in slippers most of the day. The backs of the slippers were bent and pushed down from her constantly slipping in and out of them as she pleased. When it came to taking her out for a walk, we had to ditch the comfy slippers and put on practical walking shoes. Although this seems easy in theory, it was to be my longest hour EVER!!!

Not knowing I was walking into problems, I asked Vera to sit in her chair while I changed her slippers to shoes. She calmly allowed me to remove the slippers. After I had done so, she asked that I re-adjust her socks. No problem. I fiddled with the toes and carried on. I quickly took the shoe and fit it on her foot and went to carry on to the next foot. Not so fast. Vera explained that something wasn't feeling right. Hmmmm. I looked at the shoe, seemed okay, but maybe I hadn't pulled the sock up, so I removed the shoe, checked there was nothing in the shoe, readjusted the sock and put the shoe back on. Nope. She still seemed dissatisfied with it. Something was wrong, and she couldn't put her finger on it. I tried again. I removed the shoe. She asked that I pull the sock a bit near her baby toe. On went the shoe again, again the complaint was lobbied. Over and over till i could have pounded my head with the shoe. I was watching the clock and realizing by the time the shoe fit, my time to visit would be over. I gave up. I put the slippers back on and we walked the halls instead, with me frustrated over the turn of events.

I must admit, it didn't end that day. I went home, angry and frustrated, and realizing that this job was more than i bargained for. I went back a few more times, and with each attempt to get the shoes on, I was met with the challenge of the socks not fitting. Slowly it dawned on me what the problem was. It wasn't the shoes or the socks really, it was me. It was my job to reassure Vera, and to keep her going in her life. I was stuck. I couldn't get past the socks. With renewed vigor, I went back the next day and was convinced I could get the shoes and socks to work, and we could actually get outside! This time, I listened to her concerns, I worked with her, but I also stepped into the role of caregiver for the first time. I changed the topic, talked about where we were walking, maybe getting a tea, and suddenly, socks were no longer on her radar. She had refocused her attention on the next part of our journey.I'd cut my time down from 1 hour putting on shoes and socks to 5 minutes!! Finally I was being helpful and being the person Vera needed me to be.

How this blog was born

Remember when you were little and would dream about what you wanted to be when you grew up? Well, I always dreamt I would be a famous author. Now, this is only because I read Anne of Green Gables and Emily of New Moon about 100 times each and romanticized about sitting in the attic, writing beautiful stories, while peering wistfully into the dusk. Reality hit in high school when I realized I was not that talented in the writing department! Still, every time I have one of those Emily moments and read the book over again, I get lost in the dream of it all over again!

I remember sitting in the car last year, driving on vacation, just a couple weeks after Vera had passed away, and letting my mind ramble over all the memories I had of Vera. We spent all this time together, and what do you do when the person you built your life around is gone? I was staring out the window, looking at the hills we were driving by, thinking I should sit down and string all the memories together somehow. But, the more I thought of my time with Vera, I realized my memories of her were all jumbled around, and would resurface at the oddest times, being triggered by many different things. I tried to organize her life and what it had meant to me in a straightforward format, but couldn't. What I realized was that from this point onwards in my life, many moments would be connected to Vera, and pop up unexpectedly. She had entwined her life in mine so quietly and subtly, I wasn't sure where it all stopped and started.

So, therefore, I have created this blog. As life unravels, and I am reminded of my dear friend over and over in many ways, I will continue to pay tribute to her through this blog. So, I may never be Emily, scribbling notes up in the garet, but I am hoping that I can create something beautiful, and that is all that matters to me.

In memory of Vera

You know how some dates stick in your head? June 17th sticks in my head forever. That is the day I lost my dear friend Vera. One year ago today, she beat Alzheimer's and finally found peace in death. Vera's last few months had been a hard struggle, and was difficult for everyone in the family to watch as the disease increased at a rapid rate and took so much from her so quickly. But, this post is not about sadness really. It is about family. It was on the 17th of June last year I watched as all of Vera's family came together to honor her and say goodbye in there own way. Each girl (she has 5) was true to their own character and dealt with it in their own way. Grandchildren and great grandchildren came to her side to say goodbye. In sadness there was so much love, it took my breath away.

This post though is about one daughter in particular. We were the two in the room at the time when Vera passed - that ties you together unexpectedly. To understand how she said goodbye, you need a bit of background on their family. Vera's family spent their summers living at the family cottage. They divided up the summer and each family within the larger whole had time to themselves at the cottage, but there were many times when everyone spent time together. As Vera's needs grew, Vera's family ensured that she could still be at the cottage, spending lots of time caring for their ailing mother. From stories I heard, I believe a great deal of time was spent sitting and relaxing and reading, or quietly pondering life.

As Vera lay in her bed that last day, her daughter sat beside her for hours, holding her hand, calming her, just being there. When I walked in, she was so quiet beside her mother, I was concerned that she was overwhelmed with the situation. I came over to ask her if she was okay. I was very surprised with her response. She explained that from the windows in Vera's room, she could look out to the lake and find peace. She had crosswords and books around her, and it was reminding her of her time at the cottage, quietly sitting with her mom for hours. It seemed natural to be there for her. I was incredibly moved and gave her the space she needed to comfort and care for her mom in such a simple and natural way. What a wonderful gift she gave her mom that day.

A quilt for Kyla

Finally, I have started to sew this quilt for my daughter! It has been on the back burner for a long time - about a year now. Funny how life goes. I love sewing, but sometimes in the business of life find it hard to make time for. My favorite way to spend a Sunday evening is hauling my sewing machine to the living room and watching TV and sewing late into the night - with a cup of coffee keeping me going.

When I got to know Vera, one of the stories she'd tell me over and over again was about her grandmother who taught her how to sew. Her grandmother was a wonderful sewer, and passed along her passion to Vera. Over and over again I would hear the stories about how her grandmother taught her how to sew from a very young age. I plan to do the same with Kyla. I am extremely proud of her for picking all the fabric patterns that are in this quilt. Little does she know that this year will be the year she gets her very first sewing machine and our first lessons will be very basic quilt making. If you follow along this summer I'll post our adventures in sewing! I have to say my sewing has been learning on the run, so I'm kind of excited to go back to basics with her and teach her the fun of sewing and quilting. She already has a keen sense of colour, so who knows where this will take us!

When Vera and I first met, I was nervous - how do you carry on a conversation with someone with Alzheimers? I knew nothing about her - other than a very small bit about her family. I didn't know her likes or dislikes, her hobbies - really I was completely in the dark, except I knew she loved Scrabble. I'm sure the poor woman wondered what hit her the first day we met, because out of shear nervousness, I nattered on all about myself for the entire tea time. Now, Vera was a very elegant woman who could have had tea with the queen of Englad with ease, so she smiled serenely and listened somewhat. By the second or third visit, I had settled down and was more at ease, and figured I should listen to her. What I realized is that I had been terribly misguided in my general understanding of Alheimers. Although Vera may not have been able to remember my name week to week, she had a vast store of memories of her past that had yet to be ravaged by disease. In those early years with Vera, I was to learn all about her family, stories of her grandmother, her brothers, trips to the cottage, stories of motherhood, of religion- so many interesting tidbits for tea time. I have to say though, it was her love of knitting and sewing that caught my attention. I love to sew and embroider, and it became the jumping off point for many conversations.

As I sit today, with many things on the to do list piling up, since its June, the end of school, and inevitably the month most moms are scared off, i can't take my eye off a pattern I recently found. It's by Simplicity. They've reintroduced a line of vintage patterns, which i was thrilled to find the other day. I gave in and bought one - a pattern for making little baby shoes. Vera was a wonderful knitter and would whip up baby blankets for all the newest members of the clan. I can't knit (yet!) but have been searching for something special and different to give to friends and family when a new baby is born. I think I've found it! These little booties are completely adorable, and since I've become a little addicted to embroidery lately, I was thrilled to see how unique they look. Each one can be so different and special. Hopefully soon you'll be able to see a completed pair - i have a friend in mind for whom i believe i still have about 3 months to get my act together and make a pair!

The start of the journey

Welcome to Tea with Vera! Thank you for stopping by!
I should start, for those who don't know me, by telling you about the name of this blog. It is in memory of many cups of tea I shared with a dear friend of mine named Vera.She passed away almost a year ago now. She was ninety years old and suffered from Alzheimer's, but that is only a small part of who she was. I am in my thirties, with two young children and hope to live as full and blessed a life as Vera.
It was an unexpected friendship to say the least, but it is one that has forever changed my life. I was hired to be her caregiver, but what started as a job, became a journey of caring, compassion and understanding. I learned more in seven years spent with her, than all the years I spent in school. The patience I gained being with her translated into my life as a mom, and made me a far better mother than I could have imagined without Vera in my life. As I write this blog, it is meant to be a tribute to all that she taught me in life - how to enjoy life, how to constantly be learning, how to take time to listen and to understand. Vera lived life to the fullest. She was a mother to 6 children, a grandmother and a great grandmother many times over. She had a wealth of friends who loved her, she was well read, truly creative in many areas, and was always ready for the next adventure. She is my inspiration, and I hope to use this blog to mark the journey I am on in memory of all the wisdom she shared with me over a few hundred cups of tea!